I hate you- chapter 3

   I remember when frank presented me with the idea of getting his lip pierced. The summer after his 10th grade year had just started, and the dog days were creeping up on our shitty little home. Which meant more time for watching tv, more time for the internet, even MORE time for watching tv, and a lot more time for frank to get a new idea-egg that would somehow explode into another idea egg, which in the end would always get me in a shit. Well this time frank came up with the marvelous idea that it was time for a facial piercing. (Which was actually a pretty good idea, I just really wanted to act like it got on my nerves.) And after a few cruel jokes and some bribery, we were on the road to lip-ring-ation.  

   We ended up at some place that Frank had researched on the internet, and were both browsing a wall of lip rings. Well, more like he was looking while I was standing beside him and watching. But none the less, he was looking damn well hard enough for both of us. Frank was picky about nearly everything, and going shopping with him was all but impossible. And to be completely honest with you- I was getting pretty impatient. The way I looked at it, tt's just a lip ring. It's tiny, and round. What more do you need? Well- apparently there's a whole lot more to a lip ring. A whole art to it. Obviously, Frankie was a master to that art and needed all the time in the world to get it perfect. But then again, that might just be me being an asshole. Okay, that IS just me being an asshole.

Either way.

This time, no assholeness was required. Just as I was about to say something, a not so little frank voice spoke up.

"This one."

I looked down at it with that hint of irritated-ness still on my face. It was tiny, silver, and round.

"Okay then."

He kept looking at me. I knew what he was thinking. And I'm also pretty sure he knew that I knew, too. I smirked, and looked at him.

"And how exactly are you planning on paying for that?"

"Well….. Look, it's only 15$."

He turned it over, and showed it to me. 14.99$, indeed. Plus tax. I wasn't falling for it. I continued my smirking, and looked back down at him.

"Come oonnnnnn, Gerard! I paid for dinner last week- and you owe it for me for throwing away my text book. Remember?"

Oh yeah. I remembered.

"And I was also the one when then fished it out of the trash can and gave it back to you."

"Yeah, coffee stains and all!"

"Well did you think I was going to sacrifice my coffee for you? And I'm the one who drove you here, and I'm gonna be the one that drives you back. And pay for the gas!"

"Well it's not my job to pay for the gas in your car!"

We fought like a married couple. We spent to much time together, and fought like a married couple. We were half way yelling and I'm sure that people heard us. I didn't care as much about what people thought, but I know Frankie did. He was probably pretty embarrassed. A compromise came to mind.

"You know what. Let me see it."

He handed it to me, with a look that said 'what are you about to do?' because he knew that whatever was about to happen was going to be either really good, or really bad. I took the ring out, and stuck it in my wallet. What harm was it going to do? Maybe to the economy- but that's all materialistic anyways. Frank wanted a lip ring, I didn't want to pay, so why not just take it- for free!

"What the hell-"

I looked up at him. He was a little bit in shock. Frankie was never the type to get out much.

"Gerard, you're going to get us in deep shit, you know that?"

"No it won't, Frankie. Just trust me. This way, you get the lip ring, and I still have enough money to get us home. I'm just compromising!"

"Gerard, either pay for it or put it back! Your going to get us arrested or something!"

By now, heads were turning. One sleazy looking girl with tattoos was giving us an evil eye, and her sleazy looking boyfriend was movement-less-ly giving us mean looks. Dammit, frank.

"Frank! Shut up- I mean-"

I was, as usual, just making the situation worse. I just needed to take this ring, and get out of here.

"Sorry, just come on!"  

I made a movement to walk out, but Frankie had one final thing to say,

"But-"

I turned around and head locked him. Not to start a fight, but to make it so he had to come with me. We were about 7 feet from the door, so it would be easy to just walk out. I did just so and tried not to make it look suspicious.

Because this whole thing was such a good idea.

Well, it might have actually worked. But as soon as we were home free, a high pitched sound stopped me in my tracks. It was the alarm. Dammit, technology. I cursed under my breath. This feeling of "All hope is lost!" was upon me. Except it wasn't quite as sad. It was more like. 'If Frankie hadn't wanted that thing, we wouldn't be in this mess.' And I could only imagine what was going through Frankie's head. But it was probably something like 'Oh my god, we're gonna get arrested, I'm not going to go to collage, and my parents are going to disown me.'

I turned around at,

"I'm going to need to check your wallet, sir."

The imagine of a worried/ pissed off guy with pink hair dressed in black holding a high schooler in a head lock hopefully wasn't as sketchy as it seemed.

Dear god; Why my wallet?

Well, I forgot all hope and resentfully gave him my wallet. I looked over at frank while I was fishing for it, who looked just about as pale and sick as he did when Missy died. Only this time, he looked like he was suspended in time. Suspended in time that he didn't want to get out of.

Right, I know, I screwed up and got this boy in trouble. I suck, and I'm an ass, and a theif, and I ruined his life- but in all honesty, I was only stealing so he could have it. That has to count for something.

I handed it over, not being able to think of anything else to do. He looked about 30ish, long dreds, and a long damn beard to go with it. While said dreded man was looking through my wallet, I waited and watched his eyes narrow. He searched through every single part of that thing. And I waited for him to take the ring out, look at me disappointed-like, and then punish me. But after about 45 seconds, he put the wallet back on the table, shrugged, and said-

"Looks like your good to go."

I'm- what?

I just stole a lip ring, got caught- and now I'm good to go?

A smile creeped onto my face, and I turned to frank, who still looked pale, and then back to the dreds dude.

Well fuck it. I'm good to go.

"Okay, then."

I smiled to myself as I reached down for my wallet. Quickly, mind you.

"Yeah, I geuss it must've been something on your clothes. It actually happens a lot. We really need to get it fixed, but no one'll come down."

I tried to contain my joy. I crackle came out in my voice.

"Yeah, maybe you should."

He nodded, and I began to turn to walk out the door.

"Well come back again sometime, man. See you next time."

"Yeah! See you."

I was nearly laughing. I touched frankies back, to signal him to turn and leave. He was still kind of pale, but got the message that it was definitely time to go.

We walked out into the constantly hot whether, and walked over to our car. We were at a strip mall, but we parked pretty close. As we were walking, we were maintaining our smiles (I was at least, and I could tell Frankie was starting to get one too.) and waiting until we got in the car to do or say anything. At all. Right as we got the car door, came the sounds of laughter as the passenger side opened.

I looked over, and there was Frankie laughing harder then I'd ever seen him laugh before. Ever.

"Dude! What just happened!"

He was scarily laughing. He was bent over, and holding his gut, and was barely making any sound. That signature Frankie laugh. High pitched and out of breath.

"Frankie! Get a hold of your self, and get into the car!"

I was joking for the most part and laughing with him. Not as hard as him, but still.

He got in the car out of breath, and happy as can be.

"Holy shit, Gerard! We did it! We got away with murder…"

He trailed off with a giggling fit that actually sounded like it might be dangerous to his health.

"Damn right we did!"

I was smiling like an idiot, while Frankie laughed like one. Was it really that funny? He took a break from laughing, and just went back to smiling.

"No Gerard- look!"

He held up his hand, and in between two fingers, he held high a proudly stolen silver little hoop. The boy did it.

"Holy shit! You did it, frank!!"

I said this as I pulled out, and Frankie kept laughing like an idiot.

"You did it!"




This morning, I am holding that stolen lip ring filled with so many memories between my thumb and pointer finger as I look back.

Goddamn, I'm getting old.

Frank talked himself out of piercing his lip that night while nervously contemplating what his parents were going to say to him. Very much so like Frankie, and I made fun of him like hell for it. I mean, I stole that ring for him, so he better be brave and push that sharp piece of stolen metal through his skin and enjoy it, too! But he swore he'd do it tomorrow, and I took his word for it. Well, I don't think he actually swore to it, (more like yelled defensively) and I'm also pretty sure that I didn't take his word for it. But he left that night, and forgot the ring on the kitchen counter. We had never really talked about it since then. I remember I hinted towards it once, but frank fired right back with a 'I really don't want to talk about that' hint. I think he was afraid that I'd get really mad at him. Which I unfortunately would have done.




It was 4 am and frank is all but-sound-asleep in my bed. I took the couch last night because of the many reasons frank needed to get a good nights sleep. One of the few acts of kindness I had done in my life up to that point. In the still of the night, the air is heavy and I'm sitting here on the couch drinking warm autumn tea. I'm working vigorously at biting my lip while my brain works even harder trying to work out all the thoughts coming to me all at once. The room is the kind of dark where if you were to look in one place to long, you see one of those scary shapes that probably don't exist. The birds aren't chirping, and the crickets aren't singing. It's just still and heavy.

   My mind is pacing through my life, and stopping every now and then to get a better look. I'm thinking about last night. Thinking about all the really bad things I've done to frank. I'm thinking about Bert, and all the things we've done. I'm remembering that one time I gave my dad a black eye when he caught us out on a joy ride. And the black eye I gave myself while under the influence. Wow, I think, I've done so much bad in the world. What was the need for all of it? I ponder the question. I found no answer that I was okay with at the time. I'm frustrated. I bite my lip harder.

   I'm eventually having a conversation with my subconscious, and sigh out loud, rubbing a hand on my forehead.

  I hear a rustling in the bed room, and I know that frank is up. He is walking in the ever so small hallway, and I'm preparing myself for what he is going to say. His eyebrows are narrow, and he is cupping his hands at this chest. A self defense mechanism he has had against the dark since I first met him. He walks close enough to the couch to see me, and ignores the fact that I am already up.

"Hey Gerard,"

He sounds like he's been awake for sometime, probably preparing himself for what he was about to say.

"Hm?"

"I can't sleep in there."

I considered firing back, but licked my lips and held it in. Instead I sighed, and shifted where I was lying.

"C'mon…"

I began,

"Lay on that side."

He wordlessly walked very carefully to the other side of the couch. He was just as careful to lie down too, like he was afraid that if he moved too much, something would suddenly attack him. I tossed the blanket his way, and he took it, making sure there was some left over for me. I was surprised by his kindness, but took the blanket anyways. Figuring he was going to go to sleep after that, I put my tea on the end table, and laid down. He looks just as well rested as I am, he'll have to go to sleep soon. But he proved me wrong a few seconds later, and he began speaking.
"Hey Gerard?"

He sounded fully awake, but he spoke quietly, like there was something he didn't want to disturb.

"Hm?"

"Um…. Who do you think would've shot Missy?"

This got my attention.

"You know Frank,"

I sounded more awake.

"I really don't know."

He wasn't satisfied. I started shaking my head as I searched to fill up the silence.

"Maybe someone who's really insecure. Someone who doesn't have enough room for how much they hate themselves, so they have to take it out on other people too. There are a lot of people in the world with that problem, frank."

He was still unsatisfied, and looked more frustrated. I could make out his features fairly well.

"Yeah, but….. Why a dog? Someone's pet? And more importantly, why my pet? Why not someone else's, or like, some random person on the street, or someone they didn't like? Why me?"

He got louder and very desperate with the crack of his voice in the last words. I racked my brain for answers while he sniffed again.

"Frankie, I don't…. I really don't…"

His body began to curl up a little, and he stared crying. I really didn't know. The eternal question of, why me? The situation was over powering. I did what came first, naturally, and what I should've always done. I moved my body underneath his legs, and laid his body down on me. I wrapped my arms around him. Rubbing his head with my palm, I let him cry himself to sleep repeating that it was going to be okay.

I looked at his face as he slept. The sun came up, and I noticed that the birds were chirping.